I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
