remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
