So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
