it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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