Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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