those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
