I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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