I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
