Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize