My first STD was from a foam party
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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