Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Someone came in the potted fern
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
