forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
