hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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