It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
