duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
