So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
