things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
