i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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