Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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