So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
