I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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