i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
