I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
