a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
