I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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