K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
