Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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