idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
