I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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