i need an iv and a liver transplant
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
