bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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