just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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