i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
