She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
