I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
