i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
birth control should be required to get into college
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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