So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
