So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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