'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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