I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
