You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
