They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
