I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
