I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize