the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
