things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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