if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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