She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
