I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
