so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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