Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
