You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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