Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
