So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
