exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
