Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
