let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize