My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
