"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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