....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
