Someone shit on the floor
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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