I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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