so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
