my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
