my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize