When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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