I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
3 2 1 whiskey
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
