Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
